I am thankful to the saints for their prayers, but more than that, I am thankful to God for his mercy. I thank God that early on in my pregnancy, while at the hospital, God showed me how much he had been blessing me and caused me to say, “Lord whatever happens with this child, I cannot continue living like this, taking advantage of your blessings!” I thank God that his blessings caused me to give my life to him.

Unfortunately, however, at the time, I was working a full time job, 40 plus hours a week, being a wife and an expectant mother. I didn’t have as much time as I wanted to devote to God and he saw that. Seventeen weeks into my pregnancy, I started having strange feelings. I was having severe cramps and experiencing even more severe fear. The first night I went through this, I was home alone, as my husband usually works overnight on the weekend. So I was home alone and scared. I talked to my husband on the phone but did not tell him what I was experiencing because I did not want him to have to stop working and I did not want to go to the emergency room. I knew if I had told him, he would have rushed home and rushed me to the hospital, which I did not want because I felt that God had already assured me that this baby would be fine. Nevertheless, I was just plain scared. I lay in bed, afraid to move. All I could think about was the fact that we had lost a child last year and that a family member had lost a child just one week prior to these events. And how the devil rushed in!! I laid there afraid to even go to the bathroom. I finally got up and started to grab the phone and turn on the lights to check for more signs of miscarriage. As I reached for the phone, however, it was as if God said, “Do you trust me? Why are you grabbing the phone and turning on the lights if you are trusting in me?” So I left the phone on its cradle and left the lights off, went to the bathroom and got back in the bed.

The next day, Sunday, I woke up still very emotional and scared. I woke up and the devil was right there saying, “You should not go to church today. You should stay home and put your feet up. If you go to church you’ll over do it.” That was not an option for me. Even though my eyes were swollen from crying and I was still experiencing much fear, I wanted to go, at least to get prayer. Unfortunately, I was unable to get prayer after service and came back home still very much scared and anxious about my situation.

That Monday, I called my doctor to schedule an emergency visit. They told me to come in on Tuesday afternoon. Meanwhile, I was experiencing what I now know was pre-term labor. I went to the doctor’s office on Tuesday afternoon. She examined me and said, “Go straight to the hospital. Don’t stop. Don’t wait for anyone to come and pick you up. Go straight there. I will call ahead to inform them that you are coming.” Her urgency caused my fear level to rise even higher. All I could think was, “Here we go again. I am about to lose another baby.” It’s funny how you can feel that God has given you an assurance and then - WHAM!! Something happens to make you say, “Okay, God. I think I misunderstood you. Maybe you meant something else.” I was scared and confused at this point. Anyway, I jumped in the car and headed for the hospital, calling my husband, parents, sisters and pastor on the way. Initially, I couldn’t reach anyone. I was crying and panicking by myself! I told God, “Okay. It’s me and you. I don’t think I can mentally take it if I lose another baby. I thought you said this one was ours.” Finally, my sisters, parents, and husband called back. I let them know I was on my way to the hospital and there was a chance that we might lose the baby. My sister called Pastor Hodges and we prayed.

I was admitted that Tuesday afternoon. It was amazing that I made it that long. My preterm labor began on Saturday night and by Wednesday I had not lost the baby. It was truly the hand of God holding my baby in the womb.

The next day, the doctor said, “You are going to be on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy. There is a chance that you will still lose the baby. However, if you make it through this week, the chances of you carrying the baby to term are higher.” So I spent four days in the hospital, and went home still very much afraid, praying every night that God would save my baby. Then I listened to a message that Pastor Jennings preached on faith. One line sticks out. He said, “Worrying about things isn’t faith.” In another message, Pastor Allen brought out that we need to tell God our desires and trust that he’ll work things out. She asked how it would be if a child continually asked a parent every day for something, even after the parent said yes. She said that the parent would get provoked and illustrated how the same thing works with God. We need to give our cares to him and leave them for him to do his will. So, I said, “Okay, God. You already told me that this is our baby and I have to believe you and stand on that.”

Then I read James, chapter 1:2-8 which says:

2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

I felt like if I continued to be scared and worried about this thing, God did not have to bless me. After that, I felt like God had placed me in this situation so that we, just God and I, could spend some quality time together. Then about a week later, as I lay home alone, I read both books of Corinthians and was struck by 2nd Corinthians 4:16-18 and 2nd Corinthians 12:8-10.

16For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
17For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
18While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

8For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
9And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

It was as if a light bulb went off in my head. Even though I had placed my situation in God’s hand and was sure that things would be fine, and I was sure that God was doing this for His glory, I was not “taking pleasure in my infirmities”! I told God, “I have been looking at this all wrong! I thank you for showing me that!” The next day, I opened the Bible to read Peter and read 1st Peter 4:12-13 and 5:6-10, which says:

12Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
13But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

6Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
7Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
8Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
9Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
10But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

22And now I exhort you to be of good cheer: for there shall be no loss of any man's life among you, but of the ship.
23For there stood by me this night the angel of God, whose I am, and whom I serve,
24Saying, Fear not, Paul; thou must be brought before Caesar: and, lo, God hath given thee all them that sail with thee.
25Wherefore, sirs, be of good cheer: for I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me.
26Howbeit we must be cast upon a certain island.
31Paul said to the centurion and to the soldiers, Except these abide in the ship, ye cannot be saved.

It was as if God said, “Jessica, be of good cheer. You and your baby will be fine. There will be no loss of life among you. You will lose your job and the ability to move about and you will need to throw some things overboard, but unless you stay on this ship, you may never have this chance again to be saved.” How powerful!!

So here there it was; through all of this seemingly endless days of lying on the couch, I was to cast my cares on him, leave them there, thank and praise him for my situation, and recognize that this being done for his glory because he wanted to make me perfect, establish, strengthen and settle me!! What a privilege to be so favored. God saw fit to take me off of my job and saw fit to place in a situation whereby I could not move about to show me so many things. Even though this testimony is long, it does not even touch the surface of what He has done for me! He has shown me things about myself, things in the Bible, even songs I have heard all of my life, have taken on a new, personal meaning as I begin to understand the mercies of God! What a privilege! An old song says:

THERE ARE THINGS IN LIFE / WE MAY NOT UNDERSTAND
BUT WE LIVE ACCORDING TO GOD’S DIVINE PLAN
AND JUST WHY / THE LORD CAUSES / SOME THINGS TO BE
IT REMAINS TO MAN A MYSTERY
SO DON’T WORRY
DON’T CRY.
MY GOD KNOWS / EVERY LITTLE REASON WHY
ALL THINGS WORK / TOGETHER FOR GOOD
TO THEM THAT LOVE THE LORD
SO JUST HAVE FAITH
TRUST IN GOD / WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH
AND COUNT IT A PRIVILEGE TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
JUST REMEMBER THAT
ALL THINGS WORK / TOGETHER FOR GOOD / TO THEM THAT LOVE THE LORD!

I did not know what God had in store for me when I gave my life to him in May. I did not know what God had in store for me when I entered the hospital in July. All I know is that it was God’s to put me in that situation. In December, 2006, our family was blessed with a healthy full term baby girl. It was only the mercies of God that allowed her to be here, let alone to be full term!

I am currently in a different battle, but going through this has caused my love for God and my determination to grow. I’m not about to quit, I mean to make it, make it all the way.